Once I got past puckering on blue trails, skiing was the first way I consistently found flow. The first time I connected the wind blowing in my face with a sense of cleansing and relief. Associated the ache in my legs to a clear desire to get stronger: to fly more freely and reach taller peaks. The first time I witnessed the unmistakable link between willingly suffering and growth. 

It makes perfect sense to focus on skiing as a primary mode to reconnect with our bodies through such a thrilling, ethereal, beautiful, specific mode of travel. Backed by copious research, the benefits of nature immersion, physical exertion, and challenge make us more resilient humans. Considered emotional elasticity, I would wager that resilient humans seek challenge and grow more empathetic and self-efficacious through such trials. Countless days caught in shit weather deep in the woods, sucking wind pushing bikes up steep hills, crying on chairlifts, shivering and heaving for air after being thrown in heavy waves, screaming into the abyss. My veneer and makeup smudged into a weathered, cracked, capable woman. Thelma and Louise-esque (sans armed robbery and exploding tankers), I left home doe-eyed and dolled up to wander into the wild. Growing more wind-whipped and wild with every pass round the sun. 

Where words have failed, the vastness of nature has filled the void. Nature models balance and regulation - maybe not in the ways of polite society but she always shows us when things are out of whack. This runs true in human psychology, too. When a person has stuffed and bottled emotions for too long, an outburst is inevitable. Quick experiment: fill your tea kettle to the brim, batten the hatches, and set that puppy to boil. The inverse, never facing the heat won’t solve anything either. Regulation is not numbing or negating the natural waves of emotions that arise with life. Rather, it is flowing with. Learning to name, witness, allow, and release the energy that so many of us have been taught to cling to. Men, anger. Women, grief. God forbid we see a man sad or a woman furious.  * Gasp! *

So, regulation. Lots of hot buzz terms on the interwebs these days. Sympathetic, parasympathetic, polyvagal theory, oh my! Perhaps you recall an elementary explanation of fight / flight / freeze. We see this response in animals (you and me baby, ain’t nothing but mammals) but don’t seem to have evolved as a species to construct societies that support the deactivation of our hypo or hyperregulated states. Cue rabbit hole tangent to the U.S. and Capitalist normalization of stress, business, doing. We’re not good consumers if we’re not stressed out and reactive, anxious, or attempting to numb out. What a concept - to be regulated: present, engaged, not seeking external stimulation or validation. This is the goal of emotional regulation. Not to ignore the water in the kettle, keep it off the heat, or empty it of its contents. Emotions are a natural, beautiful aspect of being embodied. Isn’t it time we accept that and dive into the water? It’s quite nice once you learn to swim.

You want to develop resilience, hey? Go challenge yourself. Adam Grant notes that “resilience is not resistance to suffering. It’s the capacity to bend without breaking.” In his book Originals he cites performing one challenging task will bring strength and self-resolve to other realms. Want to improve your work flow? Train for a marathon. Trying to deepen your relationships? Learn a new language. Doing hard things makes us more flexible, empathetic, . More accommodating to the suffering that’s inevitable in bodies, in this simulation, in this timeline. 

Go forth and willingly suffer, friends. Preferably in nature, with good weather and friends, and even better snacks.